Dear producers of "The Hills,"

Hi,
It's Coco here, and there are a few things that we need to discuss.


First of all, I would like to say, I am a HUGE fan of the entire, "Laguna Beach/The Hills" dynasty. Love it. I haven't missed a show yet. And I have seen most of them four times or more. Yes, I know I am 34 years old, but I have no life.

In fact, when Tess was a newborn, one of her feedings was at 3 am. Did this bother me? Not at all. Why, you ask? Because at 3 am, reruns of old "Lagunas" were on. It made my night, and I was actually was a bit sad when those 3am feedings were over.

With that being said, what the hell is up with Heidi and Spencer. I hate them and hope to GOD that you don't give them their own show. They are fake, they are phony and they are TERRIBLE actors. If they get their own show it will be feeding their enormous weird creepy egos!!!

I understand Lauren is leaving, and as sad as that makes me, I understand. But give Audrina, and Lo a show, they can act! And Brody is just hot as shit, so he can do as he pleases.

Heidi is sick and made up like a Barbie doll every second of the show, I can't bear to watch. Look at the attached photo, MTV "The Hills" producers! Who in God's name "lounges" like that in their bikini during a vacation? Who? Heidi, that is who! Tell me the little strumpette didn't know the paparazzi was hiding being a sand dune!

While relaxing in Colorado with her parents last week, the bitch was standing on their balcony wearing a jaunty little hat with a feather in it, a grey wool caplet, skin tight skinny jeans, and killer knee high boots. Her makeup was flawless, her bleached blond tendrils were perfectly cascading down her shoulders. Having a relaxing morning at your parents, Heidi? Are you for real? SO ANNOYING!!!!!

Oh, and can we talk about Spencer's facial hair.

Well, it looks like blond pubic hair on his face. And I seriously can't be the first person that has written y'all regarding his pubic hair goatee.

Also, Spencer smacks when he eats. Like bad. So bad that I have had to change the channel during eating scenes, on more than one occasion. It is terrible. My three, almost four year old has better table manners than this douche bag.

I would also like to address the plastic surgery that has gone on in the past several years. With Heidi (It doesn't look to me that Lauren has had any procedures.) But DDDAAAAMMMNNNN, Heidi sure has.

Now Momma wants bigger boobies like the next girl. But let's use our better judgement and not get triple D's on someone that might weigh 100 lbs.

And her lips? Really? Amazing that in one season they plumped up into a big fat Angelina Jolie pout. That is truly a wonder. STOP IT! STOP THE MADNESS.

So I am asking you, MTV "The Hills" producers. Please, get Heidi and Spencer off of this show. My loyalty is waining. My irritation is growing stronger. And you really don't want me to start writing you letters in real life now do you?

Because I will. Just ask Tyra Banks.

Sincerely,
Coco