Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Kicking some ass and taking some names......

I have a video of Bram in karate class. It was "self defense" day. He is good at "self defending."

Unfortunately, I am still having trouble getting the video off my phone and on to the computer. I'm smart like that.

It will happen, so be patient. I want y'all to see him punching the hell out of a "predator" while I'm yelling (in the thickest Texas accent you have ever heard) "kick him! kick him! Way to go! Use the other hand!"

You know, the way all mothers should encourage their children to beat the shit out of others.

That's how I roll.

OK, off to get a beating by my blackberry. Hopefully a video will be posted sooner than later.

ta-ta for now!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Lord Have MERCY!

My parents sure do wear my kiddos plum OUT! It is 9:15 am and Miss Tess just woke up. Bram woke just 15 minutes earlier.

It is tiring being spoiled rotten and having lots of toys to play with, land to frolic on and junk food to eat.

I took pictures with my mom's new camera but she hasn't downloaded them yet. And really doesn't know how, so it may be awhile. Just visualize this. But first, close your eyes and relax so you will get the full effect. Eyes closed? Good.

Picture two very cute children. Both in a Target purchased Small Paul bright green hoodies. Bram wears HIS hoodie without a shirt under it and prefers his sister's size 3T hoodie to his 5T size hoodie, he likes it "tight." According to this kid, that is how "hip hop performers wear them." Hmmmm, okay.
Tess is happy as a lark in her brother's oversized hoodie, her brand new Elmo panties and her brother's KU football jersey. Mind you, she also has soap residue in her hair from an earlier incident with some Vitabath. Picture perfect I tell ya.

Both kids feast all weekend on such delicacies as Cheetohs, Pop Tarts, mac and cheese and more popsicles than any human being should consume. Tess however, does get a nutritious breakfast every morning from her doting grandmother that consist of oatmeal with protein powder, slivered almonds and blueberries. This is Tess' breakfast of choice thanks to her healthy Gran-T.

Bram also refuses to take off a pair of shiny sweat pants and his new Converse. Ask him why and another hip hop reference is used.

Both beautiful children play freely around the house. When the weather clears up they spend the day on nature "adventures" around the property, feeding chickens and playing on their brand new playscape, courtesy of Mikey and Gran-T.

A trip to Target is always on the horizon. "Toy shopping" is a ritual. Gran-T will wait patiently while Bram inspects each toy carefully before making a selection. Lots of treats are purchased at Target as well.

Bedtimes are not enforced and Mikey will carry Tess until she feels like walking again. "A Charlie Brown Christmas" plays on repeat the entire weekend. If one of the kids is lounging on a sofa and demands a blanket. A blanket is then placed carefully on said child as fast as one can find a blanket suitable for television watching.

It's a hard knock life for these two.

I am just so confused why both cry hysterically when it is time to leave?

What is even more sad, this is how Iddy and Pa roll as well.

I hope everyone had a glorious weekend!

ta-ta for now!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Random Thoughts Friday........

Happy Friday! I am really looking forward to this weekend. The kids and I are heading to the Mothership, aka: my parents house. No plans and that is what I am looking forward to. The weather is going to be gorgeous so I plan on being outside 99.9% of the weekend.

Here we go with some random thoughts:

1) Yesterday I randomly checked my Google Analytics. There are some doozies but the one below was so UNBELIEVABLE that I actually took a picture of it to prove the weirdness. Please take a minute to observe #51.

OK, I know Casey and I are very close. But Really? Why would this random question lead somebody to my blog? But if you really want to know, Casey poops once a day. Usually around 10ish.

2) Tessie Mayes hasn't worn her lesbian look for a few days. Nope, she now is wearing her cousins Chases' footie pajamas Lacey handed down. The darling grape won't take them off. I am about to make her change clothes before we get in the car and it is going to be a show down of epic proportions.

3) I'm letting my hair grow out, and though it is only as long as the base of my neck, I feel like I have flowing locks that cascade down my back. Hubby is even noticing my constant touching and shaking of my head. Yet, he just shakes his head and continues playing Wii.

4) I just had to plunge the toilet again. Seriously, I need to talk to Bram about proper toilet paper usage. This morning was a particularly bad plunge because water splashed on me. Dookey water. Needless to say, I just took my second shower of the day.

5) I'm teaching Martha (our dog) what I like to call, "Limits of Love." It is an exclusive Coco teaching technique that I am looking into patenting. "Limits of Love" is what I say to her when she continues to french kiss me even though I, as her master, feel our french kissing session is over. I say, "Limits of love, Martha. Limits of love." She is SO smart, that as soon as I tell her this, she stops. Oh,my Marty McMartpants, so smart and sweet.

6) I need to start using, "Limits of Love" with Adam.

7) I honestly had a dream about Robert Pattinson last night. It was weird and good and everything you want a Robert Pattinson dream to be. I love him. I would never use, "Limits of Love" with Robby.

8) Speaking of Roberta. I am now a Joan Jett fan. Why, you ask? Well, Kristen Stewart is playing Joan Jett in a movie. Robert is dating Kristen Stewart. I live vicariously through Kristen Stewart. Therefore, I love Joan Jett. Weird. But that's how I roll.

9) I have failed on one of my goals of 2010. You guess which one it is.

10) I want another baby. Again. It won't happen unless I pull a little tomfoolery on the hubs. Which is an option. Then again, in three days I will not even want the two kids I have. I kid, I kid. But you know what I mean. Does the baby fever ever go away? I just want one more. Is that too much to ask? I want one more hospital stay. One more baby to name. One more tiny little dude or dudette that can join our really weird family.

That is all of my randomness today. I hope everyone has a splendid weekend. We are off to terrorize Parker County!!!

ta-ta for now!!!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Something that has been on my mind.....

What in the world does, "You're under the gun, so you take it on the run..." mean?

If you don't know what song the above line is from, you are way to young to be reading my silly mommy blog.

But this is an important question, something that I often lay awake at night and think about.

In the darkness of the night, I whisper to Adam, "Babe, what does, "you're under the gun so you take it on the run, mean?" He usually just reaches over and pulls my hair.

I've asked God about it. I've asked strangers on the street about it. I even raised my hand in class and asked my Geography teacher in college about it, back in the day.

Nobody seems to know the answer.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Dear People Magazine,

I am just going to jump right into this complaint and get it off my chest (no pun intended).
All I need to say to your "magazine" is SHAME ON YOU! SHAME ON YOU!!!! How sick and desperate are you that you put Heidi Montag and her weird brow lift and circus titties on the cover of your magazine?!

I would have to say pretty darn sick and desperate.

I have put up with your silly stories about Melissa Joan Hart and her "I had a baby! And I lost the baby weight!" baloney. I even skipped happily over Jennifer Love Hewitt and her "weight issues." "Adam Lambert GAY!" Really? Who knew?

But this "story?" This issue of your magazine (I use that term VERY loosely) has just beat all. Beat ALL, I tell you! And for this, I am UNSUBSCRIBING (which I know is not a word, but is now) to your smutty magazine.

Before I do unsubscribe, I must ask, what in the world has Heidi Montag done in her entire life (I dare not say "career") that would possess you to put her on the COVER! The only thing this sad little girl did was become a best friend/side kick on a reality show on MTV, for Christ's sake! She then started dating some sad soul that only started dating her to have some air time. A fake marriage, fake storyline and a set of fake boobs later......and she gets the cover of an established magazine? A magazine that interviewed the Obamas last week?

A cover story about all of her surgeries ALL by the age of 23!!!!???? Shame on you! Do you not understand how many young girls watch "The Hills?" They DO NOT need to think that this is in any form or fashion attractive OR even necessary. Oh, and did you know that quite a few 30 something year old mothers watch religiously? I'm guessing, no, you didn't.

Well, it is true. Quite. A. Few. And you know what? All of US 30 something mothers look a HELL OF A LOT better than the bimbo you put on your cover. Jiggly bellies, stretch marks, floppy boobies, weird looking nursing baby nipples and all!!

So it is a sad day that I bid adieu to you, People magazine. My love affair with you started long ago, with your endless following of Princess Diana. Your feel good stories of families and simple folk that do good. The interviews of established actors such as George Clooney or the late Katherine Hepburn. But today? Today, it ends. I hope I am not the only one that feels this way and you lose a lot of paying subscribers. I will never open your rag mag again. Ever. And I am a woman of my word, so count on THAT!



p.s. I feel I need to add that I love boobs and plan on getting a nice new pair this year. BUT I will be getting a large C that will go well with my 5'7/130lb/medium built frame. This is proportionate and will look fabulous. Heidi, however, is a size -0 with DDDs and wants them bigger! Dumb. RIDICULOUS!

*this letter was actually emailed to People magazine. oh snap!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A cruel, cruel joke.

The below picture IS NOT a picture of Bram and a buddy.
Nope. It is Bram and his LITTLE SISTER! Who has now taken to wearing her brother's clothes. Awesome.

Even his socks, paired with her shoes. It's a good look. All the millions of dollars of girly clothes, bows, tights, tu-tus and shoes hanging in her closet? Well, let's just say it is a beating to get her to put any of those frocks on.

She will wear her TCU dress but the bow to go with the TCU dress is OUT.

Seriously. What the hell? If you ask the little avocado to "pose." You get "Lil' T." Melts my heart. My little baby girl........all gangsta'. It's just what I dreamed about.

Hubby thinks it is hilarious. Below, is the picture he sent to me while I was sipping a Ruby Red Slipper at the lake on Saturday. The caption read, "your daughter is a tomboy!"

Don't even get me started on Bram's gettup.

ta-ta for now!