Tuesday, September 30, 2008

It's crunch time people!

Miss Tess turns one on Thursday. She clearly is still having trouble grasping the sippy cup concept. Aren't I supposed to be bottle free at one? Bram didn't have a problem at all switching and was using a sippy by nine months.

Now I know all kiddos are different. I won't be taking away her bottle in two days and letting her suffer. But I thought she would at least know how to use it. At least kind of use it. At least know that the thing dispenses yummy milk, water, and juice.

But no. She just looks at it and shakes it like a toy.

Tess is a very bright little baby. Well, except the whole eating toilet paper and bugs thing. But other than that, she is just growing and learning and developing like a little lady should.

Any pointers?

Monday, September 29, 2008

Bedtime conversation with my little weirdo

Me: Night night my lovey. See you in the morning.

Bram: Um. (thinking hard, with his finger on his chin) Um. Dad? Um. (really concentrating hard) What's your name?

Me (looking around for someone else in the room): Are you talking to me?

Bram: Yes. Um. Hmmmm.....What is your name again?

Me: What do you think my name is? (I was getting a little worried that he maybe had a stroke or something at this point)

Bram: Um. Courtney. Your name is Courtney.

Me: That's right. But what do YOU call me.

Bram: Hmmmm. I call you......hmmm........Mom. Yeah, I call you mom. And so does my sister.

Me: Yes. I am mom. That is righty-roo! Great job buddy! OK, how many fingers am I holding up?

Luckily he answered my list of basic questions (numbers, colors, animal sounds, etc.) correctly or we would be speeding toward Dell Children's in Austin.

This is a conversation you have with a great-grandparent suffering from dementia.

Not your bright three year old boy. Weird.

Now that I am thinking about it....

Do you think that my love of Indian food and the fact that I once (maybe twice) shit in my britches are in any way related?

I think it might be.

Tag You're it!!

Shannon tagged me today and since I have piles of laundry to do, this will be quick and painless. And I love talking about myself so I will enjoy it as much as you do.

I am supposed to come up with 7 random things about myself that you may or may not know. So here they are:

1) Hubby and I only knew each other 5 months from our first date to the day we got married. And it was the best decision I have ever made. It has never crossed my mind that we should of known each other longer.

2) I hate milk. HATE IT!!! I love dairy products, but milk makes me gag.

3) I have a weird anxiety about my parents dying. And my brother. It can get pretty bad and keep me up at night. Thank the Lord for Zoloft!

4) I am the most unathletic human being on the planet. I'm just plain terrible at anything sports related. And I don't like to watch sports either. But I do love football parties.

5) My favorite food on the planet is Indian food. Weird I know. I seriously could eat Indian food every single day. When I was pregnant with both kids I would dream I was eating Indian food.

6) I pooped in my pants waiting in line at the grocery store. Or actually I sharted. It was terrible. I had to park my grocery cart and just leave. Luckily I had on baggy sweat pants and granny panties at the time. Please don't judge. I have self diagnosed myself with IBS.

If I regularly comment on your blog, and you know who you are. YOU'RE IT!

Sunday, September 28, 2008


"The Long Hot Summer" is when I fell in love with Paul Newman.

When I realized Brammy's eyes were going to be a piercing blue, I called him my "Paul Newman baby". And he still does strike quite a resemblance. But that may be just me.

What a class act to lose. But he lived a beautiful 83 years.

Things are getting very interesting around these parts

Miss Tess is a walking fool.

Pics to come and if I can figure it out, perhaps a video.

Hilarious. She looks like she is leaving a very shady bar at 3am. Not so good at it, the drunk walk is in full effect.

Where in the heck did my baby go???????

Friday, September 26, 2008

One other thing....

This is a picture of my brother, Bryan. He reminds me a lot of Jim on the Office. Same personality and I think they even look alike. And when I say same sense of humor, EXACT.

Creepy thing is. I find Jim super hot and sexy and would totally be in love with him.

But I don't feel this way about my brother.


Friday pictures and commentary

Love this picture of Gran T (my mom) and Tess. Look at the eyes. My mom, me, and now baby Tess all have the same eyes. Love it.

Tess looks like a little boy in this pic because of her bald head. She has on the most precious Ralph Lauren velour polo dress. Oh when will I be able to do bows!!

Came around the corner and found the baby gnawing on a marker. Great mom moment for sure. Don't worry, non toxic. I thought about calling poison control just to make sure. Since I have already called so many times, and they ask for your name and phone number, I am afraid they will think bad things of me if I call again. So I feel I have to limit my calls for more serious ingestions. Like actual poisons. Not things like chalk, markers, potting soil, Desitin and baby powder. (Those are all fine to ingest by the way. May cause a tummy ache, but nobody will die.)

Cute little paper mache plates I found to hang for Halloween. Love them. The little pumpkin desert plate I found at Wal Mart for $2, I thought it would add some color. Cute eh?

I actually am a plate fanatic. This little area of my kitchen is right next to the counter so I have to have plates that aren't going to freak me out if they break. I change them out for the seasons. My Christmas plates are actually antiques so those worry me a bit hanging up there. I have plate groupings hanging all over the house. I started collecting plates 10 years ago and have tons of them.

OK, the Office. Loved it! I just wish that they would of made the new girl (forgot her name) keep thinking Kevin was special needs. That was hilarious.

Also, I am glad they didn't break Jim's heart again. That would of pissed me off. All and all, I was extremely pleased. With the addition of 30 Rock and Kath and Kim, my Thursdays are going to be pretty booked. Look out!

Hubby had to get stitches on both hands yesterday. This actually should of been the first thing I blogged about. He dropped the coffee pot, and caught it as it hit our granite counter tops. Needless to say, it cut the shit out of BOTH hands. On his thumb on his left hand and on the side of his hand on the right hand. Bless him. I can honestly say, I have never seen anything bleed like that in my life. Blood was everywhere. So terrible.

But I'm still leaving his ass with the kids this weekend. Fredericksburg. Remember? I must go. Am I an awful wife? I have been looking forward to this weekend for months. He can handle it.

Actually, tomorrow he will be with my in-laws all day for my nephew's first birthday. Lots of family will be there. Including my sister in law, Tess' godmother. She has two boys, so Tess is her dreamy dream girl. She will for sure help with the baby.

I am laying all the food out, got clothes laid out, so the kids don't look like street urchins at the party. Diaper bag fully packed and stocked with snacks, sippy cups, formula, bottles. I think I have thought of it all. Please pray for Hubby and please pray for my house. That it is as clean as I left it.

And then pray for Hubby if it isn't.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Wish me luck in making new friends. I am fun, nice, and pretty. Everyone likes me. I just hope I don't talk to much and annoy strangers........

Must. Work. On. That.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

People are still good.

I just got a call from our HEB (a grocery chain in Texas) and apparently I left my wallet in my cart yesterday. I didn't even realize it! Somebody turned it in with everything still in it.

The kicker is, I have a big Gucci wallet. That alone was enough for somebody to take off with.

I am very impressed with whoever did this. Thank goodness. This makes my heart very happy.

Thanks y'all

Thanks for all of the "blowing nose" tips. Unfortunately, we have done all the suggested techniques to no avail. The boy just doesn't get it. At all.

I actually got out the nose sucker and did it old school. He didn't fight or flail, so we may be going that route until he leaves home at 18.

On another note, I am going to Fredericksburg, Texas this weekend with a bunch of moms. One of my great friends is going with me and then about 18 other moms I don't really know. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to branch out, but with Kell there, I will still have some sort of security blanket.

I am really looking forward to a weekend of shopping and antiquing and eating and drinking. Hopefully all of the other moms will think I am as fun and cool as I think I am.

We are staying at some huge B & B that has a pool and lots of room. A catered dinner on Friday night and then we are all going to Luchenbach, Texas for some drinks. I might have to bust out my cowboy boots and turquoise for Friday night. Nothing looks cuter than a pair of True Religions and cowboy boots. Gotta love it!

Shopping and lunch on Saturday during the day. Dinner, drinks and a show on Saturday night.

It should be fun and I plan on getting lots of cute holiday decoration and some goodies for the kids.

Hubby is going to be home with the kids all weekend. I am kind of dreading what condition my house (and kids) are going to be in when I return. My housekeeper comes this Thursday, I might need to call and see if she can switch it to the Monday after it all goes down. I just kind of had a little panic attack thinking about it. Maybe it isn't worth going.....


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I really had no idea.......

I just discovered that Bram has no idea how to blow his nose. None. For two years I have thought he could blow his nose.

We even thought that he blew his nose unusually early and was kind of a genius.

But that has not been the case. He has been making blowing nose sound effects for two years. The poor guy has no clue how to do it.

We seriously worked on nose blowing this morning for 15 minutes with no progress at all. I actually blew snot out of my nose in order to show him how to do it.

He still didn't get it.

How stupid am I that for TWO YEARS my kid wasn't properly blowing his nose. I am truly dumbfounded by this new discovery and the lack of parenting going on in this house that my 3 1/2 year old little boy can't blow his freaking nose!

Anyone have any nose blowing teaching pointers? I am clearly clueless.

Monday, September 22, 2008


Hubby just called three times while I was outside. Three times in a row. Then my cell phone. Twice in a row.

Between the hours of 1 and 4 pm, the same naptime hours that have been clearly established in this house for three and a half years.


He wanted me to check lotto numbers from August 26's Mega Millions 77 million dollar jackpot.

Now I have a one year old that has had a 45 minute nap and was awoken by a constant phone ring. She won't go back to sleep. We have dinner plans in Austin. Where she will ultimately have a total meltdown due to lack of quality nap time.

All for what?

So Hubby could find out that he does have to stay at work the rest of the day. We won't be buying a 2,ooo acre ranch in South Texas. We won't be buying that 5,000 square foot house on 10 acres in Double Horn. And I won't be driving a mack daddy Escalade anytime soon.

He better be glad he's handsome and pays my bills.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

A must see!

This is one of my new favorite movies! This movie is P.R.E.C.I.O.U.S. Kerry Russell is a total doll face and the cute doc in the movie is a Jason Bateman lookalike cutie patootie.

It is a sweet little movie that I have watched the past week anytime it has been on. I love it.

Highly recommend!!

He's a little runaway, a run run run runaway.....

Bram tried to make a quick get away this weekend. But instead of a new place to live and play he got a spanking and had to go to bed at 6 pm. It was super fun!

Let me explain before everyone thinks I am a terrible mom for spanking.

My mom had purchased Bram a little remote control mini Cooper. So while we were trying to figure out where the batteries go, etc. Bram slipped out the back door. We have no idea how he did this without us seeing him. It isn't like we live in the Taj Mahal and have many doors to escape out of. We have one back door. Right off the kitchen. Where mom and I were standing.

Now he has always been somewhat of a flight risk, if you will, but he has never made such a blatant attempt to make a run for it.

So we don't see him make his escape and the two of us go to show him his new remote control car. And no Bram, anywhere. Not anywhere. Gone.

I run past the back door and notice the back gate wide open. The back gate that leads to a golf course AND A HUGE POND!!!!!! And his John Deere gator gone. HOLY SHIT!

My mom and I run out the back and there is Bram taking a Sunday drive on the golf cart path that runs behind our house. Actually, he had gotten his gator stuck and some old lady on a golf cart was helping him unstick it.

As I frantically go running toward him, he just cruises up. Like no big deal.

I jerk him off the gator and we march into the house, into his room, where I spanked him. And then I put him to bed.

That pond behind our house has always freaked me out. Bram knows that he will get in SUPER trouble if he opens the back gate without asking or without an adult outside with him. And for him to get on his gator and just start driving around NEXT to the pond scared the ever living shit out of me. I just can't believe he had the audacity!

Well, maybe I can.

My heart was pounding 30 minutes later, I am not kidding. The "what ifs" kept going through my head. Ughh. What a terrible feeling.

And to top it off, I fully expected Child Protective Services to show up at my door. Convinced the old lady who helped unstick Bram would of reported a half naked three year old cruising the golf course alone. She obviously didn't turn me in, but I bet my name is mud at the country club or the next bridge club get together. "That mom on hole 14 has let things really go. I had to help unstick her three year old while he was driving around the pond in just a pair of Diego underwear." "Her drinking has clearly gotten out of hand." Ohhhhh, I can just hear it now.

When I walked into his room an hour after the incident, he was in bed but still awake. I explained to him that if something happened to him, my heart would be gone and how dangerous the pond is, etc. He knew it was serious and stayed in his room and fell asleep.

Today has been better. He is now grounded from his mule all week. I don't think he understands what a week is but knows it is a big deal to be "grounded".

Overall it was a wonderful weekend with my mom. As it always is. We got lots of visiting in and had a ball. And the good news is, she and my dad will be back in two weeks for Tess' 1st birthday celebration!!!

Friday, September 19, 2008


My mom is coming for the weekend. YIPPEE!!! Hubby and my dad are headed to the hunting lease, yuck. I love when my mom visits.

Problem with GranT showing up around here is we all get super spoiled. She takes Bram "toy shopping" and of course we can't leave without a toy for Tess. She also unloads my dishwasher for me, this is my most hated job EVER IN THE WORLD. She knows this and does it for me the whole time she's here.

Sweet mommy. Beautiful mom. Super skinny mother with lovely long legs. Hip jean wearing mom. Perfectly highlighted and cut haired mama. Trendy cute silver Volvo driving mamasita.
(Hopefully she'll read this before she leaves and buy me a few cute things for the fall) Perfect mothering skills mother, cheek bones to kill for mom, best wife ever mommy, funniest lady on the planet, cute sticking out ears mother, great boobs for age 58 mom, for age 33 for that matter, wine drinking cutie mom.

The only bad thing about my mom being here is that the de-programing after she leaves is a bitch. But totally worth it.

Y'all have a great weekend!!!


Bram's gymnastics skills are just awesome. Coach Troy told me today that Bram's cartwheel was really good for his age. And his donkey kicks were pretty impressive as well.

He loves it and takes direction BEAUTIFULLY. BEAUTIFULLY.

Ya know, maybe if I clear out our den and put in an uneven bar, balance beam and pit he will start taking direction from me better. It's not a bad idea really.


For the record...

I just got in one hell of a fight with a Britax Roundabout carseat. That mo'fo' put up quite a fight.

But I totally kicked its ass.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

What have you done with my son?

So I talked Hubby into taking us out to eat Mexican food. We were both a little leary taking Bram out in public with no nap and terrible attitube. But we had to think of something so he wouldn't fall asleep. We sure as hell didn't want him running around at 11 o'clock tonight!

I was so proud! My little boy was just a pure joy and a pleasure at the restaurant. His manners were perfection! He said "please" and "thank you" per every request. The conversation flowed smoothly without a, "get off the floor" or a, "you better sit down now or we are going home!" or even a, "I will take you into the bathroom for a time out!"

Outings like this make me happy. It makes me regain my confidence in my mothering skills, like I am perhaps doing a good job and I am not raising a serial killer. It gives me hope for tomorrow.

He even said "excuse me" after he tooted so loud the table next to us started laughing.
Ahhhhh..........made me so proud.

You know you have lost all control when......

after being with your three year old for less than 5 minutes, people sympathetically look at you and wish you luck.


Miss Tess has a rash that just appeared this morning, and after her fever on Monday and Tuesday I knew that this meant something. I just couldn't remember what. So I took her to the little clinic in town (our regular doc is in Cabo right now). Unfortunately, I discovered how bad the rash was spreading on the way to pick Bram up from mother's day out. So he had to join us. Oh yea!

The little shit was all over the freaking office, acting like he had never ever had an ounce of discipline in his life.

Now for the record, his teacher said he had no nap today and that is really bad for Bram.
No nap = hell boy.

The nurse that weighed Tess said, "good luck" as she left us in an examining room. Maybe it was because Bram kept trying to weigh himself and take his own blood oxygen level.
That was "good luck" number one.

Then cute new doctor walks in. Bram fell off the chair twice. Jumped up and down on the examining table. Managed to turn on the faucet full force and water sprayed everywhere. It was terrible. After he gave his diagnosis of Roseola, he said, "well, good luck with that". Totally looking at Bram. That was "good luck" number two.

Finally, tiny little cute old lady taking our co-pay. "Good luck" number three.

I am beat down after it all and now want a margarita, some chips and queso, and greasy enchiladas.

You can call me Martha if you really want to.

Here is a picture of Tess' high chair that I decided needed a little sprucing up.

It was just your average natural wood Eddie Bauer high chair. Y'all know the one I am talking about. It was Bram's and now it is hers. The day I found out I was having a girl I really wanted to paint it and distress it. But the thing needed to be really scrubbed down and frankly, my pregnant ass was just way to lazy.

SO, the other day Hubby decided to power wash the house and I set out the chair to be super power washed down as well. Yes, it was THAT disgusting. I let it get way out of hand, I am even willing to bet the disgustingness of this chair was talked about behind my back. You could of gotten cancer just standing next to the thing.

I finally had a clean chair to paint. After 4 days of painting, sanding and sealing it is complete and I adore it. The reason I am so excited about this chair is that this is the first project I have started and completed with a positive outcome. I love it!!!!!

And I keep my kids in a high chair for a freakishly long time so I will have another year to use this darling chair.

Chair is complete, fresh pear cake is baking, and dinner is simmering in the crock pot.

Wow. What has come over me? It must be the paint fumes......

Is this a no-no?

The little lady loves her some plastic bags. As seen above, she removed everyone from its designated spot in a matter of 10 seconds.

I keep all of these bags to put her stinky diapers in. And she has several stinky diapers a day. In fact, if I had as many stinky diapers a day as she does, I would be 110 lbs and always in a super duper good mood!

Anyhoo, I know this is very bad mothering but it does seem to entertain her for quite sometime while I am preparing dinner.

And as far as I know, not one bag has been on or around her face.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Is it her teeth?

Oh my poor precious angel girl is not feeling very hot. The past two mornings she has woken up with 102.1 temperature that goes away with Motrin and never comes back. I really think it might be her teeth. This temp is high for teething I know, but Brammy ran high fever with teething too. Ugh. I wish she could tell me if she feels bad.

One sign is that when you hand her a goldfish or a cracker she tries jamming it in her gums. This may be a sign. Or maybe she just hasn't really figured out this whole snacking thing yet.

She played outside in her little walker all afternoon while I finished painting her high chair. Happy as can be. But by dinner time, not happy at all. Sad.


I feel so super cool right now! Casey , gave me the Bad Ass blogger award via mama blog. MY VERY FIRST AWARD. Thanks so much Casey!!!
And thanks for helping with my computer dumbassness as well.

Here are the rules:

* Choose 5 bloggers that you feel are "Kick Ass Bloggers"
* Let 'em know in your post or via email, twitter or blog comments that they've received an award
* Share the love and link back to both the person who awarded you and back to Mammadawg, the inventor of this award.
* Hop on back to the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky then pass it on!

Ok, here are my recipients in no particular order:

1) More Wine Please

2)Where is my Freaking Mind?

3)My Charmed Life

4)Multi Slacking Mamalicious

5)Missives From Suburbia

Y'all are the first 5 I really started reading and made me want to blog too. Hilarious moms! And one might have me beat on the shopping addiction (you know who you are!)

Thanks again, Casey. Goooooo Coco!

Please let's take a moment of silence.........

For Bram's beautiful blond curls. Those bitches are gone.

Yes, they were super cute and all that, but they were a bitch to brush out. Big time. More often then not he ended up going to school looking like a street urchin/Albert Einstein combo.

And the early morning battles in the bathroom with a bottle of "No More Tangles" and a brush were causing me to put Bailey's in my coffee or coffee in my Bailey's.

So VOILA! Big boy hair.

Y'all quite crying, hair grows back. Damn.

Monday, September 15, 2008

I need help

Not like professional mental help, but guess that is debatable.
Right now I need computer help.

For some reason I can't get links to show up on my blog. Can somebody walk me through it.

I am feeling kind of dumb right now.


My Chasing Fireflies catelog arrived today. If you have never checked out chasing-fireflies.com, please do. But expect to spend a lot of money. Their stuff is so cute and so unique.

I am about to order Halloween costumes. This might get kind of pricey but it is Halloween and the kids have so much fun.

Bram actually had input on his costume this year, he wants to be Transformer. No. I am just not ready for this type of Halloween costume.

The good news is, Chasing Fireflies has a bad ass Transformer costume. I know this is kind of an oxymoron but they really do have a kind of cool one.

Miss Tess is going to be a little pig (see above). They have the cutest little pig costume and she is just a baby so I still have total control. And plan to for quite sometime. I will work harder with this child.

I am about to put the order in. Along with a few cute tees for Bram and an outfit or two for Tess.

OK, here I go......why am I questioning my purchases. Is this guilt? Is this called being a responsible shopper? Noooooo, not me. Really?

Normally I don't have guilt or remotely refrain from pushing that "order confirmed" button. But with Hubby being a stockbroker and all and the fact that the market totally crashed today, I am having some remorse. What a weird feeling this is.

Oh f it.

Get Mario on the phone, ASAP!

Our little poodle, Caine, can paint!! It is an amazing feat for sure. One that I am almost positive will win him 1st place and lots of dough on "Pet Star".

We had no idea when we found him that he pocessed this talent. It is almost like finding a lottery ticket!

I have never actually seen him paint. But according to Bram, he does. Caine painted the side of the house yesterday. Bram said he saw the whole thing.

And I believe him. Who else could of done it?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

A letter to me.

Dear Coco,

I know you are really excited about running and are feeling pretty good about yourself. But I would like to make a few minor suggestions before you go jetting out for another jog. If you don't mind. You bad ass, you.

First, I know your getting a bit faster and going a lot further, and that is great and I am super happy for you. But next time, let's not start out in a full on sprint. Let's try pacing ourselves. Just a thought.

Second, try eating a little something more than a "protein shake" and a liter of water all day before you set out. That just isn't smart. At all.

Third, I know fall is officially just seven days away. But as a fourth generation Texan, you should know by now that September in Texas is still f'ing hot. Let's stick to late evenings, no more mid day runs. At least for another few months. OK?

I hope I am not putting a dent in your running pleasure or anything. And I am not trying to knock you off the fitness pedestal you clearly have yourself on.
But you dry heaving while teenage golfers look on, just isn't cute.

Keep up the good work and you go girl! Woooo-wooooo!



How dare I?

Tess needed to check up on her "peeps" in H-town after Hurricane Ike came roaring through. She decided to use mommy's new phone.

Mommy didn't like this idea.

Pissed girlfriend off.

Friday, September 12, 2008

He did it!

Mission accomplished! Bram did so well at gymnastics. I didn't have a thing to worry about, and I am sure my prayers didn't hurt!!!

Coach Troy really is fun and did a great job with all of the kiddos. Apparently, redirection is his middle name. He could get any kid on track with a funny face or silly joke. Including, Mr. Bram, thank the Lord!

Bram had so much fun that he wanted to stay and was still talking about it as I was laying him down for his nap.

I guess he is growing up. Last years gymnastics experience was a nightmare and that is what caused all the anxiety and dread about this go-round. I almost didn't even give it a shot. THAT is how crazy and wild he was.

But again, he was only two years old and I was 8 months pregnant and had a low tolerance for his shenanigans at that point.

Now if they only had karate for three year olds, this kid would be in hog heaven!

Please bow your heads in prayer.

Today is Bram's first gymnastics class. It actually started several weeks ago but because of his tonsillectomy he could not start until today.

So this means that the rest of the class is going to be a little more "with the program" if you will.

Bram, well I am afraid he will run amok throughout the gym and we will ultimately be given a refund and I will be asked to take my wild heathen home.

But you never know with my brilliant boy. We shall see.

Seriously, pray for us.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Oh my little angel boy!

The UPS man showed up today with Tess' birthday party invitations. Bram asked what they were. I told him they were for Tessie Mayes' birthday party, she is turning one in three weeks.

He asked if he could "ceweblate wit her".

I ran to him and picked him up and about squeezed the life out of him! My sweet boy!

Shit, gotta run, he is wildy swinging a yo-yo at her...

Staying Put

It looks like Ike isn't going to hit us as bad as we thought. Thank goodness! But my mother wants us to stay put instead of heading up with HER precious cargo.
(that would be my kids)

This will be nice, staying put for a weekend with nothing going on. A rare treat for the Hubby and I.

I need to think of something fun to cook and to drink. As we have not had a sip of anything since Saturday night (and that was just one glass for me!) Pretty sad that this is an accomplishment, but it is what it is. Sigh.

Maybe a bbq? Probably not a wise thing in a monsoon though. Soup? No, too hot. Any fun recipes? Give me some suggestions.

I'm sorry what????

Dinner conversation last night.

Dad: "So Bram what did you do at school today?"

Bram: "I colored, glued, and didn't spit on anybody."


Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Look what I just pulled from the baby's enclosed mouth!

I JUST picked through the playroom, meticulously I might add, yesterday and threw away anything and everything that was tiny and not played with regularly (sorry Bram). How did she find this? Where did she find this?

Bram is going to be made fun of when at next playgroup the only toys he has are stacking rings and Baby Einstein blocks.

Holed Up

Hurricane Ike has me on "Red Alert". I am serious. The weathermen in Austin keep talking about, "damaging winds" and "possible tornadoes" this weekend. That is all anyone is talking about and we don't even live on the freaking coast! Just SHUT UP ALREADY!

As mentioned before, I don't do so well in bad weather. Not that anybody enjoys a tornado or damaging wind, but I think I don't enjoy it more than most.

Fortunately, we are heading to Weatherford this weekend for a family get together. This makes me very happy. Happy to see my family you ask? Well, of course. But what makes me the happiest about heading to Weatherford, is that my parents have a souped up STORM SHELTER! I will be safe and able to keep my kids and Hubby safe this weekend. It almost makes me anxiety free!

Of course I will probably run screaming to the storm shelter, dragging a three year old and carrying a freaked out baby every time it starts to drizzle or thunder or lightening. This won't embarrass me one bit because my family knows I am a little "off balance".

They will probably be sitting on the back porch, watching the lovely rain, drinking lovely wine, while I have my kids holed up in a storm shelter. Those fools.

But my dad did put a wine fridge in the storm shelter. That's how he rolls. What's the saying, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Yep.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I kind of feel sorry for the little guy.....

Tess is thhhiiissss close to walking. She is still in that really really drunk person walking phase, and gets around a lot faster crawling. So that is the route she chooses. I think 7 steps is our highest count yet. This makes for a very exciting evening here at the old abode.

The sad thing is, Bram can think of about a million things HE can do that his sister totally can't!

Hubby and I cheer and clap and high five when Tess takes two steps. This leaves my Brammy just standing there like, "hey guys, what about me?"

Well, let me tell you my friends, this kid has a plethora of "cool moves" that he will pull out of his back pocket at a moments notice. Each and every time the poor baby tries to steal the limelight by some small accomplishment like walking, out comes some trick to beat all!

BRAM'S COOL "MOVES" (listed in no particular coolness order):

1) Walking in a straight line

2) Kind of hopping on one leg (I use the term "hopping" very loosely)

3) Walking backwards

4) Karate chops that resemble more of an epileptic seizure, but karate chops nonetheless

5) Saying, "mom", "dad", "dog", "uh-oh", very slowly and clearly
(this is to show us he CAN talk and his sister CANNOT)

6) Yelling "cannonball" while jumping off the couch

7) A somersault

8) The splits (which he is quite good at, by the way)

9) Gets his "GUNS UP" (go Red Raiders!)

and the clincher, when he really needs to hit one out of the park.....

10) Will poot(I hate the word fart) in your face at will

I am choking up right now, I am just so proud. So proud.

Is Mommy baking? Well, no she isn't, but thanks for asking!

In fact, it is my new Tyler candle scent, PMS. Isn't that fitting? I am a huge Tyler candle fan and was wanting to mix things up for this fall and try a new scent. I'm just crazy like that.

This candle smells like chocolate cake baking, but not too foodie and sweet. I highly recommend!

And we baked yesterday and we ended up with a minor tongue accident. Nothing serious.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Beach Pictures

It just keeps getting cuter. During our trip to Padre we decided to hire a professional photographer to take pictures of the families and kiddos. Well, she put a few up on her website. I can't WAIT to get the rest of them.

Take a gander at the kid picture above. Look who is being a butt head. Shocking, isn't it?

In the group grown up picture, Hubby and I are at the far right. And the hot mom in the middle is 8 months pregnant. Sickening.

Cute huh? (not hubby and I but the pics in general)


When baking cupcakes with your three year old, be sure to unplug mixer before letting said three year old lick the beaters "by him/herself".

Just trying to help people, just trying to help.

Oh, and get this b.s.

My tummy was not feeling so hot on the drive home, if you know what I'm sayin'. Not for overindulging, I seriously think I ate something bad.

Anyhoo, as I was driving down I-35 and got into Temple, I thought, "uh-oh, I better find a nice, clean, private bathroom".

As y'all know, with two kids and no husband with you, pulling over to potty is not fun at all. A lot of juggling babies in laps while you do your business and a lot of, "don't touch that!" "don't sit on the floor", "that is not a candy machine!"

Well, Bram had to go potty and the baby was starting to smell funny and quite frankly I was starting to panic due to my stomach's weird noises.

With that said, I decided to pull over at THE COMFORT SUITES IN TEMPLE, TEXAS. Hotel lobby bathrooms are always super clean and very private. A win-win situation for mommy.

I walk in the lobby, with panic written all over my face I am sure, and ask the middle eastern man behind the desk for the bathroom. He told me in broken English, "No bathroom for no guest!"

I said, "I totally understand, but I am in a VERY sticky situation here! My three year old is about to wet his pants and I need a clean bathroom"
The gentlemen says, "NO! For guest only, no bathroom for you."
As I walk out I said, "can I have your name sir?"
He says, "John"
Then I say, "John what?"
He says, "John Morris".

Yeah, right.

I went across the parking lot to the QUALITY INN IN TEMPLE, TEXAS and the lady was super nice and totally let us use her bathroom. Thank GOD IN HEAVEN because the situation was dire at that point.

But I did call the corporate office for Comfort Suites and tell them that "John Morris" was a total dickhead and they should be ashamed for hiring such assholes.

The next day in Dallas, totally normal

The rest of the trip to Dallas was super fun. On Saturday several of my best girlfriends from college came over to Kell's for a pizza party with their kids. Thankfully all of the kids got along BEAUTIFULLY. Bram only had to be put in time out once and that is for talking ugly to me, not for sucker punching another kid.

All of the kids have personality plus and it was fun to watch them interact with one another. The moms just sat and had wine while Kell and I rehashed our totally weird night before (see below post).

The trip was perfect and with hunting season here, I will be heading back many times this fall and winter. Minus any "reunions".

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Cuckoo for Coco Puffs

This post might not make a lot of sense because it would take a lot of background for everyone to get the full effect of this particular person and her history of crazy. But in a nutshell....here it goes.

My best friend Kell and I met an old friend and sorority sister for drinks and dinner Friday night in Dalls. Leigh, Kell and I were inseparable our freshman and sophomore years at Tech. But something weird happened and we "broke up". Kell kept somewhat in touch. Me, not so much.

Since the Facebook phenomenon Leigh got in contact with Kell and I and we agreed to meet up and catch up. I was due for a visit in Dallas anyway, so it was set.

We met up at Cru bar which is a lovely wine bar. When Leigh walked in, we hugged and were so excited to see one another. We ordered a great Pinot Noir and sat down to catch up.

That is when Candid Camera apparently started filming.

From that point on, Leigh talked about herself. For three and a half hours she talked about her divorce, her sex life, how she is SUPER successful, about her two rent houses, about how much she travels, everything about HER and her GREY FOX (which is what she calls her super sexual boyfriend). I am seriously surprised Kell and I don't have bruises on our shins from kicking each other under the table so. many. times.

It was nuts. Oh! She did ask us how our sex lives with our husbands were. We just stared at her blankly and nodded, "good, it's good." I mean, I am all about talking about sex but not really with someone I haven't seen in 10 years and not really with someone who clearly didn't take her meds that morning.

I seriously don't think she even knows Hubby's name, or Kell's Hubby's name. She did comment on how she loved my kid's names, so apparently that information got out there somehow.

And that is another weird thing, she has a seven year old child and NEVER really talked about him. She brought up how great of a baseball player he was but that was about it. Most of the time, you have to shut moms up about their kids.

About three hours into the night when she started talking about anal sex with her ex husband, I had to put my napkin over my head and just lost it. I couldn't stop laughing. Just couldn't. I had had enough. Kell just looked at her and said, "Wow".

At that time I looked at my watch and said, "well, the sitter is expecting us. It was so wonderful to catch up!"

The valet pulled our car around and we sped off. I seriously think that I might of burned some rubber pulling away. We laughed our asses off all the way home. The next morning we just kept rehashing the night and shaking our heads. It was so weird and icky, but funny as well.

Facebook is fun and I have reconnected with some friends that I will never lose contact with again. But this was a Facebook connection gone bad. Sad thing is, I think Leigh thought it was a Facebook connection gone good. WOW.

Friday, September 5, 2008

The Big D

Hunting season is upon us, this means lots of road trips for the kids and I. Hubby is a BIG hunter and I get kind of bored without him. So when he makes his hunting get a way, I head to my parents in Weatherford, to be spoiled and told how pretty I am, or to Dallas where a lot of my best girlfriends reside.

This weekend the winner is Dallas. I am so excited. Tonight my best friend, and Bram's godmother, Kell and I are meeting an old college friend and pledge sister for drinks and sushi. I have not seen Leigh in 10 years. It is going to be interesting to say the least. And I am stressing about what to wear, like it's a date or something. Weird.

Tomorrow, all my girlfriends and their kids are going to come over to Kell's for a pizza and wine party. This is going to be a hoot. We don't get to have all the kids together very often, so it will be fun to see them interact.

I just hope we don't leave Dallas with Bram having a bad rep as a bully and an award winning temper tantrum thrower. That just wouldn't do.

my boo

I have a bit of insomnia tonight so I thought I might want to clear some things up.

It seems I have been a bit hard on Bram the last several weeks. I haven't enjoyed motherhood on certain days due to this kid. Then there are days I can't soak enough of being a mom up.

Bram is definitely MY child. He is very loud, very verbal, and likes to have his way. Headstrong doesn't even begin to explain it. He is also ALL boy!
I am for sure getting payback. This makes my parents very happy.

But my Brammy is also the sweetest, funniest, most cuddliest and the smartest three year old you will ever come across (you other moms may disagree). I love him more than words can express. He made me a mom.

Bram's little face and his little funnies make my day. Every day. No matter what ass whip situation he gets himself into or I get myself into trying to discipline him.

I adore him. I worship him. I never ever want him to move out of my house. He is my "Boo" and will tell you that. "I am Mommy's Boo". We are kind of ghetto like that. And I have a weird crush on Usher.

He makes me happy, he makes me...me.

Though I can't really decide what he is going to be when he grows up.

Either prison inmate "#33737384625" or President of the United States of America. A really really good President. The BEST!

Thursday, September 4, 2008


I want to decoupage my powder bath. I was wanting to wallpaper but heard about this technique and think it will be P.R.E.C.I.O.U.S.

All I need to do is use scrapbooking paper, wall paper glue and some Mod Podge.

Is this a project I might try? I think it is.

Does anyone have any tips? Or does anybody scrapbook and know where they have super cute scrap booking paper?

This project will be started in a couple of weeks. When I am in town and when Hubby is hunting and I can't get in too much trouble when I have to call the painters to come fix my decoupaging debacle!

I spoke WAY too soon!

Wow, the above temper tantrum was over underwear. Not wanting to wear underwear. I guess he is what one would call a "free baller". Nice.

The morning got even better when he sat in the middle of his new classroom and screamed. This went on for 20 minutes. I was talking to friends down the hall waiting for him to stop freaking out. It never stopped.

Now we have to remember, the kid just had his tonsils out. With all of the yelling I was seriously afraid he would bust something in his throat. So I marched in the room, grabbed his backpack and we left. I am not the mom that usually worries when her kid cries when she leaves. It is just part of being a "big kid" and usually they get over it as soon as the mom walks out. But y'all, he was freaking the poop out!

His new teacher probably thinks I am a complete nut job.

For some reason, this mommy gig has been really tough for me the past several weeks. Maybe it is the super hot weather? Maybe it is really post post partum? Or maybe it is because Bram is a hell raiser and this is a test from God? Whatever it is, it is tough and I am worn out.

It just seems to be such a roller coaster. Some days he is such a dreamy dream baby boy. And other days he is satan's child.

This too shall pass.

It better or I am going to have to get a full time job to get out of this house.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

What a GLORIOUS day!

Today has been great. Recharging last night at Tamale King with a plateful of cheese and a few sangria swirls was just what this mommy needed. Whew!

Bram started his first day of three days a week Mother's Day Out program today. Hallelujeah!! Praise the baby Jesus!

This means new teacher and new classroom. His teacher is AWESOME! She ran her own daycare for 25 years and moved to our town last year after her husband passed away. So she went back to working with kids. I love that she is doing this for her heart and doesn't just need the work.

After the uneventful dropoff. I went and got highlights and a cut from a new lady in Horseshoe Bay. I look very cute if I do say so myself and might even go a bit blonder next time. The two hours without baby and Bram was another mini vacation.

When I returned home, Hubby called and asked if he could pick Bram up from school. Be my guest my friend, be my guest.

Both my boys got home with smiles on their faces. AND the teacher sent a note home with Bram, uh-oh right? WRONG! She loves him and marked that he was cheerful and happy all day. Then even made a huge handwritten comment that Bram, "just loves everything!". Ummmmmmm, I am totally going to let her go with this until the truth comes out.

Hopefully, dude will roll with this positive attitude for awhile.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The damage has been done

Ohhhh, what have I done.

Before I go to bed, let me just give a quick rundown of what my fat ass has just consumed.

First, I hauled butt out of the house as soon as Hubby got home and heading to the gym. I got to chatting to another mom in the parking lot (shocker) so I only ended up working out for 30 minutes. Then I went to Tamale King.

Holy fat pants! This is what I ate. And ate. And ate.

1 tamale
1 queso and bean tostada
1 chicken enchilada with chile con carne sauce
chips and queso
1 sopapilla with honey
2 sangria margaritas
1/2 a glass of water

The above list of food is more food than I usually consume in two weeks. I am not kidding people, it was ugly. But it was so good.

The song, "if loving you is wrong, then I don't want to be right", kept playing through my head as I was shoveling cheese, beans, and chicken into my mouth.

Now I am sick and feel like a house. The OSB weigh in isn't going to be looking good. I think I might wait until tomorrow night to do my weigh in.

I'm sick, I gotta run.....(no pun intended!)

Quick story before I get the hell outta dodge....

Saturday morning Bram told Hubby he got a spanking.

Hubby said, "why did mommy spank you?"

Bram said, "because I said mother f*#ker"


This is not a word of choice at my house. Really it isn't. I have no idea where he heard this.

So he lied about getting spanked in order to say mother f*#ker? Is that it?

What a weirdo.

I feel terribly guilty right now and may be going to hell

I just made a "phone call" to Bram's "new mom" and then told him his new mom was on her way to take over. I was moving out, getting a job at Starbucks and getting my own apartment in the next town over.

I feel like total shit now. He started to panic and telling me he would start being nice to me and his sister. That he would really just want me as his mommy, and that I am really good at it, etc.

Boy, do I feel terrible. I have been reassuring him that I am going nowhere. I told him a million times that I am kidding. I have explained to him that he is 100% stuck with me at least until 18 years of age. At that time he can reevaluate the situation with his dad, sis and I and decide if he still wants contact with us or not. But until then, we aren't going anywhere.

Today is one of those, "I am in no way, shape, or form cut out to be a mom" days. I was actually kicked in the face. By a three year old. Because I did not know how to re-transform his transformer. This is NOT what I signed up for. And I guess telling him I was hauling ass was not the way to handle it. I am a bad mom.

Tonight I am going to go work out as soon as Hubby gets home and then meeting my girlies at the Tamale King. This place is super healthy and is a great finale to all of the healthy eating and drinking I have done this weekend. I feel that several hours away from anyone under 3 feet will do me some good.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Hell to the NO!

Baby fever is officially gone. What the hell was I thinking? It left as fast as it came, thank goodness. Good Lord, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I can't control my scene now. Could you imagine three?

Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea.