Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Google Analytics keeps me in stitches!

Recently, I have started looking at my Google Analytic stats. I didn't understand much of it until recently (and I still don't understand most of it). But I have found the section that has the search words and/or phrases that direct people to my blog. And they are very, very interesting.

People are weird. Some phrases are too weird even for ME to type out, especially since my dad, Hubby's mom and Gaga read this blog.

Most are just looking for Cuckoo Coco AND Google points them in the right direction.

For the others....not so much in the right direction. And I am sure those folks are very confused as to how they googled in, "naked nipples cooking pancakes" and got Bram dancing to Billie Jean.


So, I created a list of the most amusing googles thus far (that aren't too pervy). I sure hope you enjoy. Because I find it Cuckoo for Coco Puffs!

This is from October 31, 2009 through December 27, 2009, the phrase "googled" is in green and my response is in blue.

Just to be clear.

-where did Casey originate from?
i know, right? nobody is sure, but i can understand why you are asking. she is totally the weird one.

-i'm obsessed with whiskers
like baby kitten whiskers? sure, kitten whiskers are cute but being obsessed with them? i just don't get it. or are you talking about whiskers on people? it really doesn't make a difference either way. to be obsessed with whiskers is just strange. but who am i to judge? i'm 34 with a robert pattinson calendar hanging in my hall way, with absolutely no shame. so carry on with your whisker love.

-jake ryan is terrible
you think? i love jake ryan. and i feel super sorry for YOU. Why? Because 25 years after "sixteen candles" you are still harboring hate towards this one hit wonder that is jake ryan (i don't even know his real name). and everyone loves a good john hughes film. so lighten up, will ya?

-cocos cuckoo parenting skills
KICK ASS is what coco's parenting skills are like! not every mother gets to hear their two year old call them "stupid" or have their 4 year old with a mouth full of rotten teeth that will cost $3,000 to fix. cocos got some mad parenting skilz, yo!

-cocos cuckoo parenting tips
i would have to redirect you to another site for any tips. i don't think i would be able to sleep at night handing out parenting advice. solicited or not.

-christy mcnickel
wasn't she in "the bad news bears" or something like that? in the 70's? and isn't she a lesbian to boot? i am sorry to whoever googled this and got sent to my little blog. but i'm sure christy mcnickel has a stellar website out there somewhere.

-cakeballs decorated like beavers
i don't even know what to say about beaver cakeballs.
i am also on this fence about this one. do i want very badly to be invited to your party with these freaky little balls? or do i totally NOT want to be invited to your little shindig with these freaky little balls. that's a tough one.

-are cocos nipples pierced?
no, they are not. cocos nipples are already a force to be reckoned with. piercing them would be more than the world could handle.

-big bad mom
if you would of typed in "big GOOD mom" then you would of hit the mother load that is my blog. But "bad" mom? I am not. Sorry, hope you found what you were looking for.

-is coco a stripper?
coco IS a stripper in her head when she hears the theme song to "The Sopranos" or "master and servant" by Depeche Mode. professionally, coco is not nor never has been a stripper.

again, it would be more than the world could handle.

-chicken is jackin' my style
i really wish i could meet the person who actually googled this into their computer.
does this person have a pet chicken that he goes out with and because of said chicken isn't approached by the ladies, so he feels the chicken is killing his game? or is this person being plagued by diarrhea after eating chicken and he is having to cancel plans and such because of an upset stomach? who knows. but i'm sorry he got sent to me instead of some pimpin' cool blog that will help him with his social life, or lack thereof.

-cousin pooped in his pants
hmmmm.....as far as i know john-david, matthew nor kyle have not pooped their pants. but i know someone related to these three gentlemen that has pooped his/her pants.


coincidence? i think not.

-sex kitten enjoys pole up both tunnels

whoa, whoa, whoa! you are one sick person. but i'm a non-judgemental, pretty person and to each his own. i truly hope, sir or madam, you have found what you were looking for. elsewhere of course. no poles up no sex kitten tunnels up in this casa de love. that is fo'sho'.

-what does cuckoo coco drink?

all together now, "RED WINE!" geez, i thought everyone knew that.

clearly you are not one of our trash guys, they all know the answer to that.

more than anybody.

-cuckoo cocos disease cure
i don't know what the disease is, but the only cure is more cowbell.

I am going to do this monthly. It is WAY too good of material to pass up on. It is a weird world we live in.

Let's embrace it!

SHOUT OUT TO MY JULIA! "chin up, chin up! everyone loves a happy face. wear it, share it, it brighten up the darkest place!" I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!

ta-ta for now!


Deelsu said...

oh.. those are funny. Not even sure how to do google analytics. Yes, please ask your SIL about facials, etc. that help with crows feet! I'm all about diminishing them!

Carrie Darney said...

love it. You know, the chicken jackin my style is how Hagen was singing Boom Boom Pow!

Vintage Junky said...

Okay, "cakeballs decorated like beavers?" I am rolling!!! That is hilarious!! And, you should know, we really would be friends in real life... my husband made a shirt with a "+" sign and a cowbell. The only cure.
will be looking forward to more googles!
Happy New Year!

FROGGITY! said...

the cakeballs one is the best... good grief there are some weird people out there!! hahaha

starnes family said...

Yes. I'm the weird one.

An award for you on my blog!

Allyson and Dave said...

I love to look and see what people are googling when they find my blog. It always makes me laugh. But I must say that your list made me laugh much more than mine!

Shannon said...

I love that you're getting the search traffic for Ice T's wife, Coco. Just wish "is Coco's butt real?" would have been on the list because I can't believe she was born with that thang.

juliarhock said...

Coco, I love thee.

Sassafrass Jane said...

How do you do that?!?! Not be less weird than Casey, I mean the analytics. Do tell!
Um, your explanation for the chicken one has me rolling on the couch right now. Thank you.

Angry Julie Monday said...

I should do a post about this. I have 3 different types of trackers on mine. OMG the things that get searched.....

Jodee Leader said...

What a hoot! We live in such a bizarre world!

Momma to the A's said...

I was sitting in Urgent Care this afternoon reading this and laughing my ass off! I am sure the people appreciated my random laughing in the almost silent waiting area! The Beaver Balls still has me laughing tonight! Good stuff!

Shannie said...

I sho haz missed you and yo mad skilz... Parentin' and bloggin' and shiz.

You always make me smile. Glad to be back in the blogosphere, my friend. (Hold me to it, k??? I need an intervention.)