Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Wanted

Part time morning nanny. Hours are 7 to 9 am.

Duties include but are not limited to, getting children up and breakfast fed. All while maintaining a clean and tidy work place.

Your day will start by getting three year old dressed, fed, hair brushed, teeth brushed, and shoes on. Bonus paid if Individual can get said three year old to wear underwear daily. Said three year old is a wily one. Individual must be strong and brave. Individual must be smart and quick. Smart enough to know that three year old does not get skittles for breakfast nor diet Coke. This is mentioned because three year old's father fell for that cunning manipulation on more than one occasion.

Individual will also be in charge of changing two very dirty morning diapers that happen between the said hours of 7 to 9 am. These diapers belong to one very regular 16 month old. One year old does require immediate milk and cereal bar upon waking up. Individual must be quick on his/her feet and cannot for any circumstance pause or be slow when heading to the pantry. This will cause one year old unneeded stress and anxiety. Individual will be immediately let go if one year old becomes upset due to lack of sustenance in the 7 to 9 am hours. As temper tantrum will wake up sleeping mom.

If one or both of the charges are suffering from a cold or allergies, Individual is expected to stay the night and tend to cold or allergy ridden child/children. If the illness is serious, your services will not be needed, as mother will be snuggling, cuddling, and coddling accordingly and happily. To make it clear, if it is just a cough or sneeze you will be expected to stay the night. The mother does not sleep (AT ALL) if a child so much as sniffles, therefore you tending to cough or sniffle will be very necessary, as mother needs her beauty rest.

Since your services will only be needed for two hours daily, you payment will be minimal. Actually, it will be $0. Your getting to tend to these two children will be payment enough. As they are the two most adorable children you will ever come in contact with.

Please contact Coco if you are interested in this position. And God bless.

6 comments:

Something In The Glass said...

Wait, wait, wait... Skittles and Diet Coke aren't breakfast food?

Shit.

lifeinbeverlyhills said...

Damn - underwear daily? I knew I was forgetting something. My momma didn't teach me that. Great post, btw. I was LMAO.

If the shoe FITZ said...

ZERO, NONE, ZILCH?
Count me out!

morewineplease said...

sounds like a good job for a grandma! Although they usually dont follow rules!

KDLOST said...

good luck with that one... heheh

Lulu the Midwife said...

Good luck. I want to hire someone to do that for a 9 yr old and 6 yr old. Just get them to school actually, that would be awesome.