A thank you letter if you will.
I have boycotted TLC, (actually I boycotted about a year ago, but the whole Jon and Kate thing really has me to the point I won't even stop while channel surfing to watch some mom wailing like a sick cow while giving birth in an inflatable bath tub in her bedroom while her mom, dad and 4 year old look on.) I am done with them. I will never lay eyes on that television station again, not even those whacky Duggars.
And that is fine, because all I have ever wanted in my television pleasure, is with you. You have a classy side to you that no other channel can touch. I know that if I need some television time, you will be there for me. Making me laugh, making me cry and making me cringe.
The lessons I have learned from you are unparalleled to any silly old college education I may have. The $$ spent at Texas Tech was really a waste, all I should of done was watch a few "Top Chef" marathons. That is all the education I need right there.
I have listed just a few examples of the cornacopia of knowlege, that you, and only you have instilled in my soul:
You taught me how obnoxious people truly are that think they are super cute but are not, are (did that make sense?). I am all for self confidence but having one of your goals in life to be called a MILF is just sad. Especially, when nobody but you and your husband think you are one.
You taught me that I really want a super gay neighbor. Badly. But I haven't seen an openly gay person in my town so I might need to outsource. My mom has a gay, maybe I can borrow hers from time to time.
You have taught me that being totally frivolous, superficial and flippant may actually be something I want to strive for. If and only if I can have the life of Rachel Zoe. It's the truth, Bravo Television, this may be a lesson that I will thank you for later.
The lesson of not lying about your age. This is a wonderful lesson for the future, as I still look pretty awesome at 34. But I will always remember the mantra I said to myself while watching "Real Housewives of Atlanta."
"Don't get caught on national television saying your 29 when you are clearly 49, Don't get caught on national television saying your 29 when you are clearly 49, Don't get caught on national television saying your 29 when you are clearly 49." Great lesson to have tucked away for a rainy day.
A lesson I already knew but thought I might of outgrown.....I truly love big hair and tons of makeup. I want to look like Dina. Hair like Dina. Makeup like Dina. I want to dress like Dina. Jersey and Texas have a lot in common, actually. We love big and have accents. Though the Texas accent is way cuter.
So, bravo to you, Bravo Television. I look forward to many, many more wasted hours watching chefs make pig brains into a culinary masterpieces. I look forward to more "Real Housewives" of whatever. Jeff Lewis? More please.