Monday, December 1, 2008

Dear Coco

So the holidays were good, huh? You seemed to of really enjoyed yourself. That is great. But we need to have a little talk.

The food festival is over. Ovah! I guess I forgot to tell you last night, but the official end time for the Thanksgiving food festival is the Sunday after Thanksgiving, 11:59 pm. I am telling you this now so that you will be sure to remember next year. Please go mark your calendar now. I'll wait.

Now let's discuss what happened this past week. Shall we? The chili pie you had on Tuesday was the kick off, and good for you. You have been really working out, running a lot and eating well. I didn't mind this at all. Nothing says, "I love you" to your body like Fritos, canned cheese and Wolf Brand chili. And those jalepenos, onions, and sour cream on top? Deliciouso! Muchos Gracias is all I have to say about that!

But I thought that might be it until Thursday evening. Ha! Boy was I wrong. Da-yum girl, you can seriously throw down. Jalepeno poppers and a Dr. Pepper from Sonic? Nice. I had not had a real Dr. Pepper since you were pregnant with Bram in 2005. And donuts for breakfast? Holy chub rub Coco!

Thanksgiving was great, as was Friday. Prime Rib is always the best and spicy mac and cheese is a favorite of yours. So that was expected. Then the stuffed mushrooms were, wow, a total surprise.

Lots of red wine and apple thyme martinis were good at first. But you kind of acted like what one might call a, how do I put this nicely........a functioning alcoholic. This is fun, yes, but good for your ass? Not at all. Not to mention your liver.

Yesterday you mentioned "low carbing" it. I was pretty excited about this, chicken salad is a great choice. But not on croissants. And yes, I know you ate more than one.

One last thing, I thought this mornings McDonalds stop was for a "diet Coke only." Not a diet Coke and chicken biscuit with a hashbrown. Are you kidding me lady? That is just gross.

So let's try to get back on track starting RIGHT NOW! I really want to wear cute clothes this holiday season, not yoga pants and sweatshirts. Please. You will run three times this week, and every day at the gym. NO CARBS and no booze. Well, maybe a glass of two of red wine but let's try to use good judgement.

Are we clear? Good. You're super hot, super funny, super smart, super skinny, a super wife, a super mother. I love you and only want what is best for you.

Love,
your body

P.S. I saw you eating spinach/artichoke dip with a spoon. Just sayin'

9 comments:

starnes family said...

Wait. At some point, am I expected to put something on other than yoga pants?

KDLOST said...

Freaking LOL.

I am so with you. My gosh, I drank a real coke the other day. Not just one but like 3. Seriously, we NEVER have anything but diet... glad to know I'm not alone.

If the shoe FITZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
If the shoe FITZ said...

I don't understand what is wrong with this?


P.S. What do I need to do to pull an invite for next year? I am really interested in trying this spicey mac n cheese you speak of.

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

OK, I gonna REALLY keep my fingers crossed-for the both of us!

Angie said...

I am so disgusted by what I ate this weekend. I can handle the Thanksgiving throw down, it's the other 4 days of eating like crap that is inexcusable. I ate well today and even spent 30 min. on the treadmill. That is huge for me. Baby steps... baby steps.

morewineplease said...

girl you are tooo funny! just say'n!

I gained 3 lbs over the weekend, I am right there with ya!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Oh Coco. This was hilarious. This is exactly what my body has been saying to me. Holy chub rub, hah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is why I got back on track too. I miss the me I was in June and my blog is making me fat. No booze either for a few days. And when I do have wine, I split it with Club soda. Hah, great post!!!!!

Michelle said...

LOL!!!!!! Love it!!! You crack me up! So funny! Chub rub? Ha!
This post made me hungry and I just ate dinner. Makes me want a DP too. Jon loves wolf brand chili! Those apple martinis sound so good.