Tuesday, October 21, 2008

FOR SALE

One very cute three year old. Blond curly hair. Beautiful blue eyes. Eyelashes to kill for.

Likes playing on his John Deere tractor, hot wheels, anything Transformer or Power Ranger related. These toys will be included in the price. As well as all clothing and pacifiers. And a case of good red wine, you will be needing it.

Favorite foods are, macaroni and cheese, tacos, apples with peanut butter. Loves a good orange juice. Hates any vegetable but will eat an avocado or tomato if you are one smooth operator that can slip it in without him knowing.

Dislikes, being told no. Has temper tantrum capability that will make your head spin. Has a rambunctious disposition. Will not hesitate calling you "stupid" while standing in a trendy boutique and embarrassing you if he doesn't get his way. Really keeps you on your toes!

If told "no" regarding food, he will wait until you have turned your back, and climb up the cabinet like a gecko to reach and take whatever cookie/candy tickles his fancy.

It is charming and endearing I tell you.

Nothing like a three year old with a little spunk. Right?

This particular three year old prefers T-shirt, shorts, no underwear and shoes with no socks. Swimsuit trunks are preferred, even when the temperatures start to drop.

Be prepared for morning battles regarding school wardrobe, teeth brushing and hair maintenance. This is another plus, since it will teach you the life long lesson of time management and self control in the morning.

Also, nap times are imperative to the well being of this three year old. If no nap is had during the hours of 12-3, then immediately open wine that was included in your package deal. This is not to be taken lightly.

Xanax is also recommended but not included.

Please feel free to ask any questions regarding three year old before purchase. Owner is more than willing to allow purchaser to "Lease to Own."

No credit check necessary.

BONUS: There is a possibility that in two years you will be able to buy the girl version and have a complete set!

8 comments:

Deb said...

lmao. do i have to put in a bid?
i would definitely prefer the matching set - haha.

lifeinbeverlyhills said...

Let's trade. B/C my little Avery isn't ANY different (well, except for playing with dolls and little people and my little ponies). I SWEAR I was reading about my own child. Good luck. :) But if I don't take you little man, is the case of wine still for sale?

morewineplease said...

this has me laughing so hard... seriously I read it to hubby and he thought it was my post about Diva... they are twins!!!! You must join the Mothers of Wild Ass Fit club that Mamalicious and I are starting.

starnes family said...

I'll trade you for Jack.

Michelle said...

You are seriously hysterical. The way you write cracks me up!!!!!!! I love all the things you wrote about Bram. It is so 100% BOY!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Too cute!!!!!

Angry Julie Monday said...

Only if you will take mine. Wait...No that would be an even swap then?

Hmmmm, maybe we can get someone to take both of them as a package deal? I mean come'on, who wouldn't want to little blond boys??

My fought me over a t-shirt today. He refused anything I choose for him. He HAD to wear the damn Lightening McQueen one..

Kelley Lewis Venturo said...

I am also a mother of two. I didn't know we were allowed to sell our kids. I'll give someone two for the price of one!!!!

My two year old hasn't climbed the cabinets like a gecko yet (laughed so hard when I read that), but I think he's planning on it soon!

Best of luck to you and love your blog!