The below rules will go into effect starting immediately.
#1) If you snore, you must wake up and get out of bed and bedroom as soon as you have been popped in the head by your bed partner. There will be a tent set up in the backyard for your sleeping enjoyment. Please go there and don't come back until the sun is rising.
If the above rule is not followed, you might wake up to your beautiful, funny, smart, skinny wife standing over you with a pillow pressed firmly on your face. I am not kidding. At. All.
#2) If you are three years of age, you need to stay in your bed. All. Night. Long.
You are a very tricky little fellow and have somehow figured out how to get into our bed, your Silky in tow, without waking your very light sleeping mommy up. I think you are crawling over your loudly snoring, deep sleeping father.
This has to stop. Once your little self falls to sleep, you seem to wiggle your way towards your beautiful, funny, smart, skinny mommy. At this point in the night, your beautiful, funny, smart, skinny mommy is pretty beat down and to tired to take you back to your room. And you are not only tricky, but smart as well, and you know this. This in no bueno.
#3) If you are one year of age. You must not of received the memo regarding bottles. Bad news.... you no longer need one nor get one in the middle of the night. So you can yell out as often and as long as you want but your beautiful, funny, smart, skinny mommy is sticking to her guns on this one.
You might not of realized it, but you have been sleeping 12 hours a night since you were 9 weeks. Now is really not the time to go back to infancy. Your beautiful, funny, smart, skinny mommy is not a newborn fan, even when the newborns happen to be hers. So knock it off!
If anyone has any questions regarding the new rules, please feel free to ask. Just DON'T wake me up to do so.